Friday, September 19, 2003
More reflections on my so called "intelligence". If you recall, I wrote an entry not so long ago involving the stress I'm facing due to the general perception of people around me that I'm a genius. Which is utter nonsense, of course. What makes a person intelligent? I would say that if measured by the standards that determined the brilliance of scientists like Andreas Vesalius or Galileo Galilei, I am a veritable retard.
"Intelligence". I really wouldn't call my talent that. In fact, I don't know what to call it, if it is a talent in the first place. If I think about it, I would say it's a large capacity for absorbing information that I'm exposed to. I don't really know how it works myself, but my brain seems to be able to store tidbits of information that I don't even realise I know until some kind of stimulus elicits the withdrawal of that deposit of knowledge. To give an analogy, it's very much like not being able to recall a song when just given the title, but being able to remember some of the lyrics when the tune of the same song is heard on the radio. Quite amazing, this ability is.
At times, I like to describe myself as a computer with a large hard disk drive space, but a slow processor. Well, not exactly slow. It seems that I'm able to draw mental associations linking related bits of information together, forming what Prof Tan called a web of information. It's like a foundation of sorts, a logical procession of facts that is the basis for knowledge. I can't say if other people have the same ability, but I do. It’s incredible difficult to put the concepts into words, but you don’t really need to understand. After all, I’m not trying to be the next Adam Khoo and teach people how to be intelligent.
Which brings me back to my point. Even if I possess this talent for summoning information at the drop of a word, it does not make me intelligent. I do not possess the natural inquisitiveness any good scientist should have. I do not have the confidence and courage to sail unchartered waters in search of some phenomenal scientific breakthrough. I accept facts as I receive them, and although I keep trying, as hard as I can, I am unable to question. That is, I see nothing to question, as I feel that everything is perfectly logical. I do not understand why that is the case with me, when people like S can come with so many pertinent questions after a lecture. Whatever the case, I know I will never make a good researcher, even though Mrs. Tan said I have the required meticulous nature.
It’s almost like I am a computer rather than a human being with a brain. In that aspect, I am impaired, and that is why I feel that I am unworthy of being described as intelligent.
Avaris / 9/19/2003 09:26:00 PM
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