Wednesday, December 10, 2003

It appears that entries in my blog are starting to dwindle (or more honestly have dwindled) in recent days. I suppose the only plausible reason I can give is the dwindling of inspiration, rather than list some inane excuses like not having enough time or being unceremoniously deprived of my connection to the world due to some overdue bills. Inspiration (not the action of bringing air into the lungs due to the generation of negative pressure within the thoracic cavity) seems to be in short supply these days, falling to a nadir of boredom after that (might I say) impressive tirade on hazard-posing cyclists.

Then again, I really shouldn't blame inspiration for not deigning to impose itself on my thought processes. On the contrary, I should blame myself for not inviting any inspirational thoughts. After all, if I shut myself at home I can hardly be hit by sudden inspiration on more interesting subjects than the quality of toilet paper and poor television scheduling, no?

So I really should get out more. Which is why I'm considering whether to make myself available for either or both of my 2 tutorial group outings, which are sojourns to this pub called Embargo and to Sentosa for presumably beach volleyball. I know there will probably be members of my tutorial group out there reading this, but I will be unabashed in saying that I'm really not very keen on these outings. Why can't we do some decent boring activities like eating? Going to a pub is akin to pouring buckets of red paint on my already poor state of accounts, while playing beach volleyball is to me as foreign a skill as trying to move my coccygeal bones. The thing I want to make clear here is that I'm not being anti-social (refer to my psychoanalysis test and you'll find that I'm have low antisocial tendencies) but I'm simply being pragmatic. I'm not sure that treating my money like Monopoly currency will actually do wonders for my social relations with the people in my tutorial groups. I would rather spend the money on charity or other worthwile causes like LOTR, thank you very much. So there. I presume I've actually made up my mind already. So if anyone out there reading this is from my tutorial group, please organise a simple lunch or dinner at an affordable place and I would very gladly attend.

That wasn't very nice, was it? Oh, bother.

Since I don't have any remarkable commentaries on social issues tucked up my sleeve, maybe I shall look at the evolution of my blog from the day it was started. After all, it was the 3 month anniversary of my blog yesterday (not that it's something worth celebrating) and sometimes it's nice to look back at things and see how they've changed.

I still remember the day I set up my blog. I was truly feeling frustrated and needed dearly a vent to release some of those terrible feelings that were building up. It's quite amazing how a bad day can lead to the birth of the blog that you see today. But seriously, those first few entries of mine were really caustic and unforgiving in their lashings of many people, but of course I was only too happy to write them as they helped to disspate some of my disgruntled thoughts. They were so bad that a few weeks after I posted them I was quite appalled looking through the weblog and I re-posted them with most of the terrible content with regrettably some loss of content. Then again, there are some entries the vehemence of which I never felt sorry for, as I felt quite strongly for some of the points that I expressed in them, and I really don't mind being a little rude sometimes. After all, we can't all be paragons of virtue.

Of course, I can't be frustrated all the time, or I would seriously be on the road to insanity, so what started as a vent for frustration evolved to become a "Speaker's Corner" of sorts, where I could write down some of my thoughts on various aspects of life that I could never talk about to someone else as they need time to develop, time which my dismally slow typing amply provided. Within the musings were some journal-like entries relating daily events, which most people post on their blogs. I felt, though, that simply dictating your daily routine seemed too mundane, especially if the people who read your blog are your close friends and you do almost everything together. Thus, I only posted the more notable events, those which I actually wished to comment on.

I realised, however, that after a time I became more conscious of my so-called audience, as I realised more and more people were reading my blog. And that affected the spontaneity of my entries, as I felt I had to write things that would entertain the people who were reading my blog, things that they would find interesting. Therein lies the delicate balance, or perhaps imbalance. Simply put, the insidious exhibitionist part of me secretly hopes that someone out there is reading my blog, though my more rational and puritan self asserts that whether or not my blog is being read is of no importance, as the purpose of this blog is for me to actually voice thoughts that I would normally not put words to. Eventually, this idealistic hope for a blog buckled to the realistic consideration of appearance. I felt that I had to pitch my entries to an audience and make them more palatable, and up till today I'm still not sure whether such a change is necessarily a good thing.

I feel, also, that I really should thank CG profusely for his immense contribution to this blog, albeit indirectly. His blog was what inspired me to set up one of my own, and many of his blog entries actually inspired me to post some of my own thoughts on the same issue. I feel quite sorry for getting so much of your help in such a manner, CG, and I do hope you won't mind. Thank you very much, though. If not for you this blog really won't be what it is today.

Well. I hope I didn't bore you to death or something. I found it quite difficult to write about a list of events in a coherent manner, and I'm not sure how you'll find it, but I do hope it's okay. Hopefully I can find some inspiration soon.

Avaris / 12/10/2003 03:38:00 PM

0 consumed