Tuesday, February 10, 2004
As usual, I'm feeling downright lousy today. Why am I not at all surprised? Why must my blog always be the vent for my incessant frustration and whining. I'm sure no one out there finds it remotely thrilling to hear me moan away like some lost banshee. But, like, I don't really care anymore. I'll bring this blog where I want it to go.
What a horrible horrible day. Slept quite late last night (okay, quite late for my standard, but eleven is probably early for some) and woke up this morning feeling entirely out of sorts. Felt highly irascible today and now I'm feeling incredibly guilty for being so touchy. You know that kind of feeling when you just want to lash out at someone, anyone, for some sick sadistic pleasure, not bothering if the one you are lashing out at is someone you care a lot for. I loathe that feeling because it is so pervasive and toxic and makes me feel terrible. I always regret the consequences of one of these moods. Sometimes I find it impossible to believe that I can allow simple emotions to control me so thoroughly, and that is rather frightening.
Writing it out didn't help at all. I still feel horrid. Horrid horrid horrid.
I feel I'm doing my juniors a great disservice trying to teach them when I can't seem to find it within myself to do so (not all the time, only sometimes, like today) and I end up becoming lousier than Ong. Might I also say that it is all to easy to teach every single detail of anatomy but making it easier for the sake of J1s is a daunting task. Incredibly difficult, I say, and I have discovered a new admiration for Prof Raj for making everything seem so magically simplistic. I still think we should just teach everything since we are concentrating on the J2s and not the J1s (maybe this is where the ethics lectures come in hmm) but... oh well. And I can't find it in myself to force the J2s to put in more effort, because, quite evidently, there is more to be desired out of them. I mean, as compared to how we were in our time, they are.. oh well. I'm quite sure they have the potential in them - just need to push them a bit more. The how of it is what is eluding me. I find myself thinking of what Mr Chan said the other time, but all this is not helping. Sigh.
I think I should go to bed now and leave the troubles for another day. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof", after all. I hope I'm not intepreting that statement wrongly; I ripped it off a Diana Gabaldon novel haha.
P.S. Some people might find this entry rather different from when they saw it last. If so, count yourselves lucky to have read something that is to me, rather a private matter. See, I knew that I would regret being too much of a blabbermouth.
Avaris / 2/10/2004 10:42:00 PM
0 consumed