Friday, March 19, 2004
I love American Idol! Both the infinitely adorable John Stevens and Clay Aiken in one week! So much eye candy! Might I say that I noticed Clay had a little ptosis in his left eye as he was singing Solitaire (and what masterful singing it was too.. swoon). The ptosis seemed to miraculously disappear when he was talking to Ryan Seacrest so I wonder if it's some periodic paralysis of the smooth muscle component of his left levator palpebrae superioris or something. Very fascinating. So much for my anti-Americanism.
I am in another of those super-duper hyper phases of my mercurial everyday life again, as I am sure you could have noticed. Maybe it's all the mugging, though it scares me a little to think that mugging could make me happy. But there's an immense sense of accomplishment from finishing the whole of Cardiovascular Physiology in one day that makes you swell up like a cell in distilled water. Now it's just GIT, Renal, Endocrine and Repro Physio left, which, thanks to CAs 8 and 10, are still pretty fresh in my mind. I never thought I would say this, but thank goodness for CAs. As an amusing sidenote, I noticed that I seem to have (in George's words) "re-wired my circuits" after a year's exposure to Anatomy. Now, when I see a caption for a picture (be it in a newspaper or magazine or book) which refers to something on the right hand side of the picture, I instinctively look at the left hand side of the picture. And vice versa. How amusing that is.
I sometimes wonder what people think of my character when they read my blog, because I have had comments that my blog entries make me seem rather angry or moody or depressed or whatever, and they come to ask me if I'm all right. I'm really touched by their concern but at the same time, I'm surprised at the way I'm coming through to them on my blog. I suppose that is something we have to get to terms with when we have blogs: that it is after all a more or less public stage on which you make your rants and raves about people and events, and that there will be many times when your comments are misinterpreted by others. Not that I'm saying that the people who mistake your intentions do not know you well enough, but different people have different intepretations of simple words. A phrase that by my standards is considered rather mild might be interpreted as coming across very strongly by a more sensitive person, and of course other possibilities for misunderstanding exist other than the example I've just stated. I thus find it a thing that worries me about blogs: that most of the time when I'm typing an entry, there is a conscious or subconscious tendency for me to weigh my words and moderate the intensity of my opinions such that I offend the least number of people as possible.
It makes me sick sometimes, this pandering to the common threshold for personal opinion, that I have to keep my more volatile arguments in check even though I would like to see this blog as a vent for things I would not normally say in real life. What is this, a newspaper or a radio station? But I have gotten used to this over time. I have, rather ironically, become more moderate. After all, what is the use of flaring up over everything you cannot see eye to eye with in life when all it gets you is high blood pressure? Alas, it makes my blog less exciting, and more "safe" (so American Idol), and it does make me wonder sometimes if I would rather have an explosively despotic blog. No I would not. But I still make a few mad entries once in a while, when I am either bubbling with excitement or boiling with rage. Rather interesting.
What I really would like, honestly, is that people can read the entries on any blog and not judge the opinions of the person writing the blog by their own standards, because more often than not they will misunderstand the true intent of the person writing it. When we write about things that affect us deeply, we do not really expect you to understand what we are going through, or wonder why we are making a big fuss over a seemingly small matter. I never expect anyone to understand me better than I understand myself, so you should not try to understand me and end up failing miserably because you have not lived the life I had and experienced the things I have. When we make a big fuss over small matters, it is because these matters that seem unimportant to you matter greatly to us, and sometimes griping is a way to relieve our worries. So just read our entries when all we want is to be heard, and not any sympathetic replies that end up conveying an opposite message. Just having you read our entries makes us happy enough, thank you.
The thing about blogs is that they make things a lot more convenient. We can express the anger we feel at certain people for doing certain things without any face-to-face confrontation. Very often, we can be really angry but not have the courage to tell our wrath, and thus that wrath will undoubtedly grow until in consumes a perfectly good friendship. Thus, with a blog there is that translucent veil of anonymity that lets you say the things you would not dare say in person, and there is also the time factor that sort of delays the message such that both sides have had time to cool off a little. Many a times all it needs is a little frankness between friends to resolve differences and misunderstandings, and the blog allows one to be truthful without being in-your-face accusatory or rude. Is that not absolutely wonderful?
Avaris / 3/19/2004 02:21:00 PM
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