Sunday, April 18, 2004
One for sorrow, two for joy
I went out on Friday on a tutorial group outing, and it was quite enjoyable. I felt quite guilty since it was the first time I was present at a tutorial group outing, as I was busy with other things during the previous two outings. But it was really delightful this time round. We went to have sushi, then watched Starsky and Hutch, which was funny. I liked the movie more for the music, as there is just something about oldies that makes me feel buoyant somehow. I hope that we will still be in the same tutorial group next year, so I can get to know the people better.
Ah, but good things never last for too long, and this weekend has just been a nightmare for me. Quite a lot of family problems, over various things, and then the shirt I bought at the John Little warehouse sale, which was one of my favourites, got ruined in the wash *sob*, and a good friend of mine did something that hurt me deeply. I guess it never rains but pours, huh? What can I do now to soothe this twisting maelstrom of pain and sorrow, I have no idea. I'm just burying myself in blogging and my books, hoping against hope that things will get better.
Sometime not long ago, a wise person told me this: It is a paradoxical thing, but one will find that it is not so easy to offend a newly-acquainted friend, but to offend someone whom you have known for a long time and has known you for a long time is easier than waving your hand. Simply because new friends tend to be more forgiving of actions that offend them since they know that the other party does not know them all that well yet, but old friends tend to take such minor insults more personally, since they think that the other party should know them better than to do something that they know will offend. (Argh so many theys and thems flying around that it's a nightmare trying to make a point here, but I hope you get it)
Twice I have been insulted to my face by a good friend who should know me better, and the first time, I stepped back in spite of my boiling indignance at such blatant disrespect for what I am. This time, will I be required to acquiesce yet again to you?
You might think that I am over-reacting again to - in your opinion - a perfectly innocent comment, but I can tell you that I have all the right to over-react to anything I wish to. You've told me before that I must tell you if you have done anything wrong, so here I am telling you that you have. Though I must let my more sarcastic self come into power here and say, if you know that what you say can be often hurtful to your friend, why don't you err on the side of caution and keep your thoughts to yourself? It may seem like nothing to you, but to me it hurts deeply. I appreciate your attempt to change some of my more errant concepts, but I am telling you very frankly here that in your good will you have picked the wrong method of going about it.
Ok, enough is enough. I didn't really want to talk about this here, but a wise person told me that if I keep it bottled up all the time, no problems will be solved. In my opinion, this is not going to solve anything either, since I'm going to be strongly resistant to anything you have to offer as explanation or apology. This is not some trial and error game where you get people to jump around on minefields to find the mines and then apologise to the people who get blown up. Who is to blame for the death of the people? The mine planter or the one who orders his subordinates to jump on the mines? It just isn't as simple as you think it is, when you're talking about people's feelings.
At least I still have some friends who are more sensitive to these things, to whom I can tell my troubles to, and for that I am eternally grateful.
One for sorrow, two for joy,
Three for a girl, four for a boy,
Five for silver, six for gold,
Seven for a secret, never to be told.
Avaris / 4/18/2004 12:02:00 PM
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