Saturday, June 11, 2005

A pseudo-HP fanfic

Another one of those XYZ scenarios, heh. I thought I had totally run out of ideas for them because inspiration hardly ever comes, and everything I can think of somehow relates to the first case study I wrote on this blog (about the person who keeps blowing up, etc) and they're nothing fresh. But well, I thought of another scenario yesterday; not very interesting, but let's explore it all the same.

Okay, we have R and S, who are close friends. (Haha I wanted to name them Sirius and Remus because I've been reading a fair bit of HP fanfics lately, but I think I'll just stick to the letter format, for consistency) Well, since S is R's good friend, certainly R has certain expectations of S. For example, if R is someone who thinks that his family is a very important part of his life, he should expect S to think the same way too. This is a bad example, but I hope you know what I mean.

Let's say R and S have a mutual friend J (James Potter! Sorry, getting carried away again.) J is in some form of trouble or another, or let's say J is sick. R suggests to S that perhaps they should go and visit J to see if there's anything they can do to help, but S is against the idea, saying that it's pointless since J is probably going to get better anyway and they probably won't be any help standing around J's bed fretting. S' words are very hurtful to R, because R feels that it's just a simple act of kindness towards a friend, to pay him a visit while he's ill, even if there isn't much they can do. R cannot believe that S would so simply refuse to do something that wouldn't even take much effort, a simple act of care towards a friend.

The matter troubles R for a long time after that conversation. R is very disappointed, and wonders why S doesn't think the same way as he does. He thinks that it is probably useless trying to convince S to go visit J anyway because he doesn't want to force S to do anything he doesn't want to do anyway. R feels like he doesn't know S anymore because the reality that S showed him is so considerably different from what R envisioned would be the case.

I think the important point here is that R expecting S to feel the same way as he does towards a mutual friend is a valid expectation, much like I would expect another human being to feel the same way. It's not some flimsy expectation like "I want my friend to like the people I like and dislike the people I dislike" etc. But still the question does remain, Is R's expectation of S a valid one? Is R in fact being unreasonable in expecting S to feel the same way about this issue? Because some people might not agree with me.

Do you think that R is actually over-reacting when he/she feels hurt, shocked, disappointed at the fact that S so thoroughly smashed R's expectations? Is it better for R to leave things be and not force S, or for R to talk to S and try to get him to see things R's way? Personally I don't like emotional blackmail, so I'd most likely leave things be, and respect S' decision on the matter. I think R can understand S' viewpoint, but what he doesn't understand is why S has such a viewpoint.

This is really a messy case because a lot of things are not as clear-cut as they seem. We all have expectations of our close friends and family. What determines if these expectations are rational or impossible to live up to, or our reactions to people who don't live up to such expectations? I know that my views towards this are quite paradoxical, because while I have a lot of rather high expectations towards people that are close to me, I know that I'd resent someone expecting me to do something that's not in my character, and trying to force me to see things his/her way. But I suppose it's all the more shocking when you think it's not a demanding expectation at all, and you take for granted that the other party will see things your way, and yet they don't.

Well, perhaps we can analyse until the cows come home, and yet nothing beats finding yourself in the same situation, and what determines your response to it will be the reflection of your character and nature. Me, I'll just let it lie, but it'll leave a scar. Something would have changed irreversibly, I think.

In other news, my holiday to Hong Kong has dematerialised because of some planning problems, and because the only person who could speak Cantonese out of the four of us couldn't take leave to go. I'm a wee bit disappointed, because I haven't been overseas (excluding Malaysia) for a number of years, but I suppose I'm used to it already. An overseas holiday to me is kind of like a value-added quality, but I can still be very happy even if I don't go overseas. I'm getting poorer by the day anyway, no point accelerating the process. I hope I'm not sounding bitter here, because I'm really not. All things considered, I'm actually quite happy.

Now let's think about a totally fictional scenario where a friend who was supposed to go with me to HK is feeling very disappointed that our trip has been cancelled, and expects me to feel sad too, but sees me prancing around happily, and gets angry that I can still be so happy. That would probably be what I call an unreasonable expectation, no?

By the way, this is an awesomely sweet Harry Potter fanfic. It's RemusXSirius, with some suggestions of you-know-what. But it's so so sweet!

Avaris / 6/11/2005 01:56:00 PM

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