Thursday, June 16, 2005
Subjective subjects
I am actually feeling pretty proud at the amount of work I've been doing this holidays. Yeah, you know, the question-setting for BMQ and all that stuff. It's like I spend a few hours or even more every day working on different parts of the quiz, and I find it amazing that it's actually possible to sit at the computer for hours on end typing and then staring into space willing questions to pop into my head. I suppose in a way it's not really work, but after four years of being acquainted so closely with the quiz, from a contestant in JC to a visiting trainer during NS to a trainer cum quiz chairperson in M1, and now a question-setter at the end of M2. I feel like the quiz leaves such a long legacy, and intertwines batches two years apart like some kind of beautiful profoundly infinite chain of passing on to the next generation. It's so difficult to explain the way the quiz touches me, but I suppose the reason why I'm constantly so eager to contribute to the quiz is due to how strongly I feel about it.
So for all the complaining that I've done about having to think of questions and feeling mentally drained after, I'm actually quite happy to be doing all this work. It's not exactly something you spend a large proportion of your never-going-to-come-along-in-a-while three-week holiday doing, but I suppose it's something better than wasting time lazing around. Which I have done quite a lot of as well, by occasionally playing Sims 2, and watching various television serials (Pride, and Lost) that I've downloaded. And reading as well, I'm quite happy with the amount of reading I'm managing to get done this holiday. Unfortunately none of that reading includes anything medical besides the M1 stuff that I'm ploughing through while setting questions. Maybe next week.
Haha I sound like an old man recounting his life and saying how happy he is with it. Bleh, I'm not even that old yet.
I pre-ordered Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from the Co-op the other day because it seemed like a pretty good offer and all, and the Harry Potter craze is really hot right now. I should be more wary of crazes and the way they end up making me spend too much money. Just look at how much I've spent on SEED merchandise. And every mail that comes from La Tendo and KKnM makes me want to buy more, but I think I've become more level-headed lately and I keep asking myself If I really really want something when I feel a whim to buy. That helps, surprisingly, because after some thought the answer is usually no. Unless it's artwork. I can't keep my hands off good artwork, which is why I buy stuff with pretty pictures, like anime magazines and card collections. Artbooks just kill me, but they're too expensive. Look at the Fafner one, gosh.
I've got so much on my wants list but they're mostly things that I dream about but will probably never get around to buying because of financial restrictions and because I can live happily without them. (Haha I'm getting more and more preachy nowadays, but I'm starting to get rather appalled by extravagant spending on things people could live happily without. But, if spending makes said people happy, what can I say. After all people must be thinking the same way about my purchase of figurines ^____^;) Things like new glasses, a digital camera, etc. One bugging want is the new Janny Wurts book, Traitor's Knot, which vexingly has had it's publishing date delayed. I really miss reading Janny Wurts' writing. It's so gripping.
At this point in time I don't even know what this post is really about. I'm just being random because it's been a long time since my last entry and I thought I'd just ramble a bit.
Sadly I can't say that this holiday has been nice to my emotional state, though I'm less traumatised than I was during previous episodes. I don't want to target anyone, but generally this two weeks has been filled with more disappointment than I can take, and I wonder if I'm setting my sights too high, if I'm expecting too much of both friends and family alike. It's like when you're standing far away from a person it looks like there's just a tiny drain separating the two of you, but as you get closer it becomes a canyon. Gosh, the silliness of that analogy. It's hard not to let that crevasse get your spirits down, but it's more important to try and bridge it all the same.
Sometimes I feel I try so hard and I'm still not getting there, and I just want to stop. I'm very grateful to other people who try as well, because it makes things so much easier. But not everyone does, and it's so tiring.
Avaris / 6/16/2005 08:12:00 PM
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