Saturday, January 27, 2007

The days that precious memories are made of

Another week in review, I think we are all getting rather mad (because of stress) with the knowledge that the end-of-posting tests (and I emphasise the "S" in that very strongly) are a little more than 3 weeks away.

Spent the week in AnnYouH's O&G clinics, which were rather different from your usual specialist outpatient clinic in any hospital in that the number of patients seen at each session by any particular doctor rarely exceeds 10, so each doctor has a lot more time to spend with the patient. The funny thing is that even though there are so few patients the last patient can come in really late, like 5.30 pm for the afternoon session or sometimes even later, which makes the clinic sessions end late too. So a lot of the time I'm just sitting on a stool in a corner of the clinic stoning as the doctor fiddles with the computer while we wait for the next patient's file to be brought in. When it's a good day the doctor will throw questions at you and discuss some interesting topics, so you get to learn something from the clinic.

Monday was a good day. An excellent day. Once in a while I get these days when it seems like everything's aligned in the right position and it's so perfect that it almost becomes surreal. Suffice it to say something really nice happened, but I won't disclose it here. Just the thought of it almost makes all the horrible days I've had in my O&G posting worthwhile. Days like these make living worthwhile. Haha. I might be a little nuts with the euphoria of recollecting that wonderful day. Ignore me.

Wednesday was, in contrast, terribly sobering. We got scolded by our tutor during a clinic tutorial for not knowing much about the topic we were discussing (which was hypertensive disorder of pregnancy) even though we had already had a lecture on it. That, and also other things, like how we generally can't give much of the answers during any tutorial. It wasn't a nice feeling, to be scolded like that. Mostly I felt sad for being such a disappointment, and it was mingled with a sense of frustration that I had already tried so hard to study consistently and yet I didn't seem to be able to remember much of anything. What's more the tightly-packed schedule doesn't give you much of a chance to get in a breath edgewise, if you're not studying for the Q&A on the next day you're studying for neonatology, or worrying about the write-up, or zonked out after call. Not that it's any excuse, and I knew that there were times where I could have studied but went and did something frivolous instead. I guess I kind of needed that scolding to be woken up and pressed to study more. (That said why am I still here blogging) The way I felt after that tutorial is simply too complex to describe; I feel that any attempt to put it in words will only warp the truth, so I Won't try any further.

Yesterday I took a half day off because I was only assigned to the ADC (Antenatal Diagnostic Centre - this place where they do ultrasound examinations for a variety of reasons, commonly for antenatal checks) in the afternoon and went there in the morning instead so I could have the afternoon free. The ADC posting was quite interesting, because by a stroke of good luck I was attached to a registrar instead of the sonographers whom I hear don't like talking to students, so I got to learn a little bit of what they were doing. Also saw some interesting cases: TV scans for ovarian cyst/endometriotic cyst, and even one for suspected ectopic pregnancy (and eventually confirmed ectopic). I think one of the few things that impresses me about O&G is how the doctors are able to effortlessly perform ultrasound examinations on their patients and actually know what they're seeing on the screen, when all I see is fuzzy grey spots. Like when a doctor tells me, "There's the ovary" I can just about make out the outline of a ovoid structure, but if you asked me to find it in the morass of grey spots I would just have easily pointed out some other spot that looked vaguely ovoid to me. So, respect for them. I guess it takes lots of practice. The reg yesterday pointed out the foetus' circle of Willis, and then the middle cerebral artery, so that was pretty darn impressive.

I had to make a trip down to SNEC to collect our ophthalmology logbooks and I had this stroke of realisation that I would reach SGH after 2, which was the perfect time to have lunch at the Houseman's Canteen and eat the heavenly yun tun mian from the noodle stall. To the uninitiated who wonder why there's a magic time of 2pm, it's because the noodle stall at Houseman's Canteen is run by two different groups of women, who switch over at 2pm, and the yun tun mian made by the second group of women is to die for. The char siew has just the right mix of lean meat with thin streaks of fat and is nicely aromatic; the yun tun are not bad; what's really amazing is that the noodles are covered with the most delicious mix of dark sauce and lard. Sounds really unhealthy, but they also have whole xiao bai cai that look very green and juicy added to the noodles, and they really are very fresh and don't have any weird chlorophyll smell at all, unlike the over- or undercooked vegetables you often get with other noodles. Heaven in a bowl, I call it, and I don't really get to eat it very often (how often do you survive until after 2pm to have lunch?) so I savour every chance I get.

Dropped by Sunshine Plaza after collecting the logbooks and leaving SGH, to look for a Bleach memo-mousepad. I was wondering what a memo-mousepad is after seeing it on KKnM's release list for last Friday, and it turns out it's really a memopad that can be used as a mousepad. Trust the Japanese to think of something so quirky. I bought the one with Ichigo, Renji, Byakuya and Urahara; the other design had Hitsugaya so I kind of wanted it as well, but the other characters on it were Ichimaru Gin, Hisagi and Kira, so that wasn't so appealing. If they had had Aizen with Hitsugaya I would have bought that. I need a new mousepad because my old Tsubasa Chronicle one has become strangely warped and crinkled around the edges.

Later in the evening I met up with George in Orchard. We had planned to watch Pan's Labyrinth or some other good movie (there are so many this month!) but the times were really lousy - Pan's Labyrinth was at 9.40 pm - so we decided to skip the movie. I was a little frustrated; seems like my plans to watch a movie with someone else keep falling apart. Maybe it's life's little way of saying I'm better off watching movies on my own, when there are no worries about having to match your schedule to someone else's. Oh well. Since we didn't watch a movie we spent the rest of the evening walking around Orchard window-shopping, after dinner at this nice shop in Lucky Plaza that sells pretty good roast duck. It almost felt like I wasn't doing something as horridly stressful as the O&G posting, and it was good to forget that for a while.

It may seem as if things have resolved in the best way possible, and the winds of change have abated, but I still can't help but feel the call of a possible solution. I will most probably not take it in the end, and end up cursing myself for the next one year, but no, I just can't find it in me to do something like that; it would probably hang over my head for the rest of my life, and I would rather endure a chronic annoyance for a year than guilt for the rest of my life. I can only ask for more strength and forbearance.

I always thought support groups were a nonsensical idea; why would you want to meet a group of people and be miserable together? Then I came to understand that knowing someone else that's in the same situation as you, and who is struggling to cope with that situation, provides a strange form of strength. It lets you know that you aren't the only person in the world who is finding it difficult to cope with the lot life has given you, it lets you know there are others out there in a similar state as you are and finding it just as difficult, or worse. It lets you know that you are not alone, and thus lets you gain some strength from that collective misery, because there are people who understand how you feel. For someone to pat you on the hand and say, sincerely, "I know how difficult it is for you." Somehow, that makes all the difference, and the day is not so bleak any more. I may be misinterpreting the state of affairs as it is, but that's how I feel now. The only difference is that I haven't found my support group yet, haha.

Next week starts a new half of the posting, at KK. Wonder what it will be like. But KK is the haven of snacking, which is good and bad in its own ways - McDonalds' tempts with the idea of hashbrowns every morning, and Prima Deli with its delightful waffles before going home. Argh, much money will be squandered on food this posting, methinks.

Avaris / 1/27/2007 11:02:00 PM

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