Sunday, December 11, 2011

Emotions taking me over

Sometimes the most disconcerting changes in life are not the ones you see coming from a distance, that you're making all kinds of objections about, and cursing, before the change hits you. It's the changes that creep up on you behind, and before you know it, that turn your world upside down, that leave you completely disorientated; those are the worst.

I don't know what I'm typing and it all doesn't make sense. I can't make any sense of it myself.

Sometimes all that keeps me going is that I want to do the best for my patient, and yet there are so many things that threaten to take that away from me. There's a deep sense of disquiet that runs through me which is growing greater with time, but which I cannot really put words to, that I cannot explain. Even if I do make my feelings heard, in such a climate, what kind of change will that make?

Too many things are against us. There's so much mistrust. I don't want everyone to look at us with gratitude and compliment us, but to be faced with aggression, suspicion and doubt, that really undermines our practice. It is truly very upsetting and demoralising. I haven't felt so disillusioned, ever.

Avaris / 12/11/2011 11:01:00 PM

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